Mid June - Mid July (The End of the Journey)

Well it's over now and I cant believe that I'm home for good most of the time. But allow me to work my way through my story.

In my last amount of time in Italy I made an attempt to try and do all the things that I could. One of the first things I did was a day trip to Naples, or more specifically to Capri with my Uncle Mike, Aunt Estelle and cousin Kailia and I have to say it was gorgeous! That entire island is completely breath taking and it's no wonder it has been a vacation stop for thousands of years now. The entire day was incredible and wont be one i forget anytime soon. Plus it was always nice to see family. =) We started the day in one of the boats famously from Capri and it was unbelievably cute. We sailed around the entire island and it was just unreal. Then we took the above ground subway tram thingy up to the main town where we walked around really fast before going for a great lunch and then getting a cab to the upper town where we took a chairlift to the highest point on the island and saw some amazing views! It was amazing! And that evening i returned to my Italian family which made going to visit my family and speaking in English like a vacation instead of being in a more normal situation. Then I also took a day trip to the city of Bari to spend the day with some of my exchange student friends and had a really great time and spent a lot of time with one girl that I didn't really would think of as a friend if not for that day which makes me happy. And then over my final weekend I spent both days going to the beach. On the second of those days (also known as July 4th in America) I met up with one of my exchange student friends Joyce who I'd thought I would be staying with before my move and we had an amazing day. We spent the morning in the water and then the early afternoon just hanging out (and searching for ANY place to accept a debit card so we could eat) and then the late afternoon by the pool and walking around and as the sun set we toured the cute little town where the beach was. It was an all around wonderful day and even though it was lacking fireworks it was still pretty cool.

Then on the night before my last in Potenza my local AFS chapter asked me and the other girl, Andrea from Mexico, to come to a final dinner and also to meet the 2 students who were doing the summer program with AFS. And so I went for a little and then AFS presented both Andrea and I with golden plaques that said "Brianna Ireland championed Italian culture and friendship 2010." It was so sweet and kind and I didn't expect it at all. I know I had a tough year, but it was so worth it and I don't regret it and even something as small as this made me feel like I was actually appreciated there.

And then came the day of leaving! AHHHH! My host dad fought with AFS to be allowed to take me to Rome instead of me taking a bus that departs from an hour and a half in the opposite direction of Rome and finally won. So we left Potenza on Wednesday taking all my stuff with me and drove to Rome for the night. That evening we did a speeding fast tour of pretty much all the major sites in ancient Rome including the Trevi Fountain and many others. When we went to the Trevi my host dad gave me a coin and said that I had to make a wish. "I'm not going to tell you what you have to wish for...BUT you DO have to return to Italy some day." Then we went to dinner and then to get my final gelato in Italy and then we passed the Spanish steps right as Spain won the semi-finals taking them to the finals in the World Cup against Germany. And since Italy was long out of the running, most Italians were in support of Spain so there was a LOT of celebrating. And as we climbed the stairs I noticed this group of teens sitting down rather depressed and as I got closer I saw that they had German flags painted on their cheeks. That poor school from Germany....

The next morning we left the hotel early and got one of the bus pass things like you can get in NYC that go to all the tourist spots and we did a drive around. The only place we got off at was the Vatican and in theory we were only going to spend 15 minutes there but that didn't happen. Just the line was that long. Then since both my sister and I had straps instead of sleeves my dad had to go buy us scarfs to put over ourself. Then we did a quick tour inside before waiting in another even longer line to go to the very top. After waiting in the line we had to pay money for the elevator half way up and then climb 300 some killer stairs in killer heat the rest of the way up. But it WAS a great view...then back down. Then we finished the bus tour and stopped for lunch and a tad of shopping before taking that final drive to the airport hotel.

AFS has us say goodbye to our families outside and then we would take our stuff ALONE down a ramp and could not see them again. I wasn't going to cry, but then both my dad and sister did and they gave me a card saying how I made an impact on their lives and all and suddenly I was crying. And then I went down that dreaded ramp and was forced to leave all of my stuff before climbing up the inner hotel to where the other students were meeting. The whole night was fun and adventurous and just plain great. Few people slept at all and even fewer slept in rooms. Most of us were down in the main lounge for most of the night. The only time I even went to my room was for a quick shower because of all the humidity. Other than that, I had no interest in doing anything but spend the last few moments I could with friends. And then came the bus taking us Americans to the airport at a few after 6 and I cannot lie about how hard I cried. I cried buckets! I had one of my most amazing friends from Iceland walk with me to each goodbye and when my crying got too intense she would hold me until I calmed enough to move on the next one. I wont ever know if I said goodbye to everyone because AFS literally yanked us away from the group and forced us outside where we all cried a bit more and then went to the airport.

Once I got to the airport it got better but it was still weird. I somehow managed to check 3 bags all well over 20 pounds and the biggest at about 45 for free (traveling domestically in America however it cost me a lot more...thats just wrong) and then we got onto that plane. It was pretty surreal: flying home. And then suddenly we were in America again. And before we even made it through customs we all felt weird. Talking to strangers in English was just odd as above all speaking to strangers had become something we would do in Italian and from there everything else just continued down that track of weirdness.

I walked out of customs a head of most of the students because I was helping a friend and suddenly I heard a loud scream calling my name from my mommy. But I didn't respond as I should have. I still dont really understand why. I mean I was THRILLED to see her and my brother but I think going up to hug them meant that it was really really really over. There wasn't anymore to it. So I held back a little. I waited to say goodbyes to my American friends as they came through cause I couldn't cross the line to domestic travel with them and they couldn't go to where my mom and brother were with me. And after I said my final goodbye I turned to my mom and bro and gave them big hugs and it felt suddenly right. I think every exchange student is afraid of what that hug is going to be like. After so long, after so much, after it all. But once I was in my mommy's arms again it all just felt so perfectly right that it shocked even me. Yes that did mean that the year was really totally over but that didn't matter as much because I knew I still had my family.

Then we met up with my Uncle Fred and we all drove to my grandpa's house, stopping for some Italian food on the way. (the restaurant was actually really good and it had a map on the wall that showed both of my 2 good host towns but happened to cut off just slightly before my fist bad one...) and once I got to my grandpa's I barely said hello before crawling into bed for lack of sleep. Accounting for time differences, I'd been awake for about 40 some hours during some of the most intense hours of my life.

And so we spent a few days at my grandpa's house which is the perfect place to just sit back and relax in a calm environment. And catch up on sleep as adjustments are made. It's quiet and out of the way and a very serene color of green. But for many reasons on can't stay there for really too long and so the next Wednesday we drove to the airport and from there we began the final leg of my very long journey.

And then I was suddenly back home in New Mexico with all of my friends and my family. And it's like it's almost the same but different and weird but at times in a good way and at times in a bad way. I don't really have words for it yet. I don't know that I ever will. But if I do ever find such words another blog will be coming your way, My emotions are all mixed up and I don't really know what to make of them yet. I cant promised that there will be another blog entry because I honestly don't know. If the words ever come to me, be it tomorrow or a week from now or a month or a year or who knows when, i promise to pick up my creative pen and send out however many more it takes.

Until that day, thank you for putting up with such horrible grammar that I am SURE I used many times but I have once again failed to edit. "I hope I haven't bored you."

Mid May - Mid June

I'm not in my final Italian days. It's completely surreal right now. But let's get all caught up first.

I was all set to move come the end May and very excited to be staying with Joyce. I was to finish school on the 26th, even though Italian school would go until the 12th of June, then go on a 4 day school trip to Sicily returning on the 30th (at midnight) and then move on the 31st. That was the plan at least. But it didn't go exactly as planned.

On one of the days before I was talking with joyce and she had no knowledge of me moving in early June. She thought that I would be coming sometime around the 15th, but no one with AFS had told her anything. AFS decided to not listen to my request at all, even though they had already agreed to me moving with Joyce and didn't even bother to tell me. They moved me to a completely different family, in a completely different city, where I had no friends and they literally didn't tell me where i was for-sure moving to until the 31st, the morning I had to move. If I wouldn't have called to ask why Joyce had no idea about me moving they might not have even bothered to tell me anything. I am honestly VERY angry with AFS Italy, but that's not the story i want to tell right now, so let's go back to my last day of school and go from there.

My last day was so unreal. I remember thinking about how...over it felt. When I left America, i KNEW that I would be coming back, when i would be coming back, and that my friends and life would still be sitting there waiting for me. But when I leave here...it's much more final. I spent the first 3 hours in my normal class in what to everyone else was another day of school. But after the 3rd hour there is a break in Italian school. Not a long one, but still. During this time my class presented me with this letter saying "you have become a part of our class and we will miss you" with all of their signatures. It was really sweet. Then, during the second to last hour I went to say my final goodbyes to all my friends in the class I went to Greece with. I really bonded with that class and it meant a lot to see them one last time. And then I walked down those steps for one final time. I took a picture out front and waved a final goodbye to my 2nd Italian school.

The next morning we rose early and went on our school trip to Sicily. From our school there was two classes, ours (in which only 6, including me, came) and the other 4th year class I took math in. But there was also another group of students from another class. It was a 10 hour drive (with a 30 minute ferry ride in between) to Sicily but FINALLY we arrived and got all situated before going to dinner and having a nice somewhat wild evening. I went to bed incredibly early (one or two) that night for an italian school trip, but I slept well because I was the only one who slept in our room that night (as I was the only one who slept). The next morning we went to the beautiful city of Noto. One of the differences between Italian schools and American is they just let us wander around the city as we wish. No limits or anything. Besides visiting the city we had some fun playing little pranks such as fake 50 Euro bills on the streets or "American Tourists" (they wouldn't believe me that they could never seem like Americans just based on how look, let alone on how they act). Then in the afternoon we went to see a Greek play at one of the ancient outdoor greek theaters. I didn't understand "un cazzo" other than there was a woman walking on water, everyone died like 10 times than came back and there was a crazy sheep man. My friends explained it to me later, but that's not important. The next day was much similar to the first as we wandered around the city of Siracusa in the morning (there was an incredible castle) and in the afternoon we went to another greek play in the evening. And on the final day we took the very long drive back, arriving back literally at midnight.

The next morning I had to finish packing my things before lunch and then shortly afterwards I had to say all my final goodbyes. And then I left the city of Venosa for the final time. That afternoon I moved to my 3rd family in the city of Potenza. They live literally in the very center of the city and there is a girl, Alessia, who is 18 and I share a room with and a boy, Marco, who is 17 and has never said more than "ciao" to me. But the who family is very nice and welcoming and even if it's not what I wanted or would have chosen, it's not bad. I went to Alessia's school (my 3rd Italian school) with her until the 8th and really got along well with her class and friends. They welcomed me in and we joked around and I got along with them very quickly. One of the things I've said recently is that even though I haven't had the year I was planning, one good think I've gained by moving to 3 different families and 3 different schools (and school TYPES for that matter) is that now I really know what the differences are between Italian families/schools and America.

And then on the 8 until the 11th I went to the final AFS camp for the students in my region and the region next to mine. There aren't even words to describe how wonderful all the students are and how much I love them! But it was a major time to reflect on the little time we have left here. On the second night we all sat in a huge circle and they gave each of us a small candle and then we had to each give a small comment reflecting on this year and then light our candle until they were all lit and then we formed AFS with the candles and all took a pic. I spoke sooner than I wanted to and didn't get to say exactly what I wanted to say but got the main points across. What I wish I would have said translates to "Carpe Diem. This year I've had a relationship with the phrase in a way I never before believed possible. Yes, I experienced it. But the relationship I had was in living in the city of Venosa where the Latin writer Horace was born, the Latin writer who would eventually write Carpe Diem. There aren't words to explain how this little city has changed me. I had an incredible family, made incredible friends, and seized the day where it was first born to be seized. This small city has opened doors fro me that I never even knew were closed. This YEAR has opened doors. I'm not the person that left a year ago, I'm a stronger person. I've made new friends, done new things, learned about new customs, and became a citizen of the world. Thank you all" Thats what I want to say (in short, but there is really so much more). The entire week was more or less like this and it was a good time to just spend with literally some of the most amazing people in the world.

And now I am back home at my third host family's home. School has officially ended and summer is here. We wake up late (my sister actually has me beat on sleeping in...I didn't know that was possible), have lunch at 2-3 (it's an italian thing) relax/take naps or whatever in the early afternoon (3-5), I try to go to the gym most days due to massive eating habits =P (but all too often the wonderful joyce comes to visit me and I go out with her) in the late afternoon (5-8) and then in the evening we either go out at 9 and eat then then mess around until 1 or 2 or eat dinner around 11 and THEN go out. The Italian way of life is a very different world from ours and I find myself already nostalgic of it, even when I have yet to leave it. There are now less than 20 days left to my Italian experience and I honestly have NO clue what I will do when I return home. I'm stoked to see everyone, but I have made a life for myself here and living without it is a truly scary idea.

I promise to write at least one more blog when I get home, but I might write 2, another for a one month later thing. But soon enough I will close this blog. Maybe I will write another, I don't know. I doubt it. No matter how much the Italian's like to say differently, i can imagine my average american life being interesting enough to write pages about for each month.

Mid April - Mid May

This month has definitely been the best so far. Not because of the places I visited, though they were amazing but rather because of what I did.

I was lucky enough to be able to tag along on the third year students class trip to Greece. Because of the European Union, traveling within the Euro Zone does not require any kind of identification and so there was no problem with Visas. There were 3 classes, 3 teachers, and I totaling 41 people on the trip. Now with each of these classes I have either one or two hours a week so I had already met everyone but not had time to really make friendships with but a few.

I fell completely in love with Greece. But not because of the country itself. As anyone who pays any attention to the news knows, Greece is a country in crisis and it shows. I fell in love with Greece because it gave me a sense of purpose amongst the Italians that before I'd never had. Since Italians speak relatively no English compared with other European Nations and the world in general, commutation is typically hard for them once they leave the country. Unless they happen to have a native English speaker traveling with them. So naturally I became an important prize. Whoever traveled with me, could get me to translate whatever they wished and make sure they never got lost. Suddenly, I was not just the tag-a-long, but important. And so suddenly, people started working much harder to include me amongst friends that I kind of already had but wasn't really a part of. That was the biggest and most wonderful difference. But there were a lot of other little things that made me really enjoy Greece. For one, American TV is all in English with Greek subtitles and American news channels such as CNN were available. Plus, Greek food is AMAZING! I still love Italian food and cannot complain even the tiniest bit about it, but it would good to get some variety in my diet. Just a lot of really nice things that I had missed for so long came back.

On the first day we traveled to Bari and from there took a ferry to Greece over night. As it turned out there were two Americans on board who were backpacking across Europe having just finished South America. They were really interesting and nice and fun to talk to. By the end of the night there was probably 20 some Italians all surrounding us and speaking as well as they could.

The second day was mostly just getting to Athens. We arrived in Greece at about 2 in the afternoon and then we took a 3 our bus ride to Athens. Then we got situated in the rooms (I watched some TV while my roommate did some other stuff) and then we went down to dinner for some amazing Greek food. Then we all took a walk to "Hard Rock Cafe: Athens" and it was up to me to translate/get directions. We probably spent more time walking there (let alone back) than we did at Hard Rock but it was still fun. And so then I took a shower, washed my hair, and went to bed.

On the third day, we started out with an "American Breakfast" at the hotel. That means eggs, sausage, and bacon! Having such foods in the morning is practically death to many Italians, but those who did try it, enjoyed it. Then we were off to the Acropolis which was nice but very crowded and with little to really see and nothing more than in pictures. Although, that's really how I feel about most of the trip, but that may very well be because the guide was speaking Italian and I had to work much harder to understand anything. Then we went to one of the larger museums and how I wish I would have been able to tour it on my clock because we never stopped for long at the history I'm interested in and spent hours on things that I wasn't. At least all the explanations were in Greek and English. Then we went to lunch and afterwards we were given free time to tour central Athens. Now on an American school trip we would have to have an adult with us at all times and an official group but with Italians free time is truly free. No area we can't go past or adult we have to check in with, just free time. I spent it searching for the Athenian Starbucks with various Italians. After touring (at a very fast walk) most of the city, we failed and turned back. And it actually turns out that one day later where we had free time was where the crazy riots were =O! Then we headed to the docks and got on a different boat for another night ferry to Crete.

The next morning we woke up at 5:00 (most of us having gone to bed at some time around 3-3:30) to get off the ferry and from there drove to the hotel about 20 minutes away. We were given two hours for rest, but I don't think any of us slept. I took a quick shower before writing in my diary/watching CNN (just in time to here about the almost car bombing in NYC) and then we all started off. We visited various old sites along Crete and it was cool but not terribly interesting (though like I said, I believe that has to do with it not being in my language and therefore difficult to follow) Then we went to lunch before returning to the hotel and from there walking to the beach for an afternoon of fun in the sun. I remember thinking about how that weekend I had missed Cleveland's prom and how I wouldn't have traded the two moments for anything. Then we all went back, took showers, had dinner, and then had an interesting night. We wanted to go to some club in the area but everything was too far, so the hotel said they would play modern music, but they just took our money and so it resulted in us going back to the rooms and then doing various line dancing outside. haha.

The next morning we went to visit more ruins on Crete and then in the afternoon we went to lunch and then were given free time in the town we had lunch. There was a really beautiful beach there and I FINALLY got myself a Greek Gyro! But it was truly a beautiful beach and I think we all would have gone swimming if we had time (some did anyways but I think they regretted it after =D ) Then we made one more stop at ruins before returning to the ferry to take us back to main Greece. Most of the evening we just kind of hung out around the boat doing various things and then everyone went to bed around 3. Only I'd been having some problems with my roommates and had therefore been avoiding sleeping in the room with them for the past several days not because they aren't wonderful (they are) but because they like to talk all night at just too high to let me sleep but not high enough for me to listen all night and I couldn't find another room. So I went downstairs and I called home and Jessica for the remaining 3 hours of the night since Skype won't work at my host family's home.

When I hung up at six I went and got breakfast instead of bothering sleeping until 7. I ate with calm and ease before going up to my room at 6:45 and getting my stuff and going down at 7 to the meeting point. Even though some were late, most of us were down and ready at 7...but the teachers decided to go get breakfast while we waited. So we left at 8 (putting us 3 hours behind schedule because the ferry started 2 hours late). So we rushed through this museum and then drove two hours (i took some naps) to an old Greek/Roman theater (took pics and then left after 5 minutes) and then drove another 2 hours to another old Greek site and just took pictures out front. Most people were mow begging for lunch and so we went even though the teachers didn't want to because we were late and then we drove another 2 hours to the ferry to return home. And on that ferry was a group of EXCHANGE STUDENTS!!! They are the Rotary kids staying in Eastern Europe and most of them were actually Americans. We just started talking and then we all went down to the main deck and met some Italian friends and I worked very hard as a translator (my brain was friend from so little sleep) and then one of my Italian friends got out his guitar and one of the Americans got theirs out and we all had an international sing a long. First we did American songs such as "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley (even if technically it is Canadian) and then "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (and I do know that is Australian) and then the Italians sang some Italian songs with the help of the other Italian school on board and then the exchange students sang some. It was really really cool. Then I went to take a shower and let the Italians try on their own in English. When I came back down there was still a big group and I would have joined them if i didn't hear that the restaurant was closing soon and I had a free food ticket. So I went with a Canadian guy only I lost him and ended up sitting with a group of Americans playing cards. It might seem silly to bother talking about this but I do have a point. As I was sitting with them, someone did something stupid that I don't remember and one guy made the comment, "Way to make and impression on the girl." In just the few hours I had known them, they accepted me as one of them. I've spent months trying to get that same "in" feeling with the Italians as I had in a few hours with the Americans. Now granted, i could talk to them in my language and they were also exchange students so they understood me more than most people could, but still. It really made me realize the difference in friendships among countries. I'd heard before that Americans are quick to make/forget friends whereas Europeans are the opposite but that really put it into perspective for me. I think this has to do with the fact that Europeans tend to all live in the same towns they grew up in with the same people for all their lives. Whereas Americans tend to move a great deal more and have to start over/make new friends much more often. I just remember how much of a shock it was for me. I felt REALLY accepted for the first time in a long time with the Americans, but the next morning they left and moved on. It took me a while to figure it out, but I like my Italian friends more. I mean, i knew it, but it was hard to see at first. Spending one day with the Americans was amazing, but it's my Italian friends that I would want to keep. I had to work hard to become their friend and so it means so much more.

And then the next day was a Latin competition in my little town with people from all over Italy and a few students from other countries around Europe. So there were several foreign students in my town and we just got along amazing and had so much fun. I literally spent the entire day with these 2 girls from Belgium and various other time with kids from Austria, Croatia, Bulgaria, and various other countries. They were just really silly and funny and nice and one of the girls from Austria even went to the US as an exchange student with AFS. We went into this Chinese store and tried on random sunglasses and hats and then bought the ugliest earrings of all time for 1 euro as a joke. We had so much fun and when it was time for me to go home at 12 I was very tired (but wanted to stay longer.) And then we met up the next morning before they all left. Them leaving was very very sad. But for different reasons than saying goodbye to the Americans. I don't really know how to explain it, only to say that it was and I still text them and whatnot.

So now my year is drawing to a close and I recently found out I will be moving again. My host family is unfortunately unable to complete the 6 months because of problems having to do with my host mom's job and so I will have to move once again for the final month and a half. It's so frustrating to know that I FINALLY really made friends here and I will have to move again and there is no hast families in my town and it seems in the area. So right now it looks like I will spend my final month in the home of another exchange student a few hours away from where I am now. And she is really cool and I'm really excited to get to spend my last month with her, but I am still really upset that all these months work will also be for nothing. Well not nothing, I DID finally make friends and I will always have the memories (my week in Greece was definitely the highlight of my year) but all the same, moving again is not something I'm thrilled about.

But thats all I'm going to say for this month, though I'm sure there is more I would like to talk about. I realize I have several teachers on the list and with school ending you won't be able to receive my final 2 entries (next month and one for after I return) but if you would like, send me other email addresses so you can receive them. Thanks as always for reading (and putting up with the hundreds of errors I'm sure I made) =)

Mid March - Mid April

Every month I spend a period of time to reflect on my month and my experience and tada! It has arrived yet again. It's uncanny at how quickly the time goes by! In less than 3 months now I will be back in my own bed, and just that idea seems so weird. After not sleeping in it, or even seeing it for seven months, it's really an odd thought. And that is basically how I feel about every part of my American life. When I will be spending hours doing all my English homework next year after 10 months of "glancing" at the work and being done, it will seem so different. And now that I do math in Italian almost completely, when I get back to class and everyone is speaking English I will have no idea what they are talking about. It's all going to be so different, but I'm excited.

During this particular month, I had the pleasure of celebrating Easter in Italy. It's pretty different than they Easter I'm used to. Granted, my family and I are not religious so I've never before in my life had a religious version of Easter, but we have always made eggs and we have always had visits from the Easter Bunny and then we always have the famous Easter Eggs Hunts. (Yes, I had one last year at age 16 and I still enjoyed it just as much.) Italian Easter was pretty different. For one, it meant a TON of great food. It's no secret why Italians eat so much, the food is amazing pretty much always, but I've been attempting to reduce the stomach I've gained here and the days and days of eating didn't help. Though I must say, I really didn't mind. Another thing is that they don't decorate eggs or have an Easter Bunny or even go on hunts. But they LOVE chocolate! They have these giant chocolate eggs with surprises inside and everyone eats them. (about as common as the famous Peeps) I received a total of 3 of these giant eggs (most people get one or so) and as much as i enjoyed them, my jeans did not. Most get the basic eggs, just a giant ball of chocolate in egg form but for those of you who like things to get elaborate, Naples before Easter is the place to be. A single giant chocolate egg can cost over 1,000 Euros! (thats currently about $1,350!) Yes, they are beautiful, but they are CHOCOLATE! But besides that, Easter is a wonderful time in Italy. I had a friend once tell me that while Christmas is a very important family time for Italians, Easter is a time typical for travel around the country or Europe and while my host family and I didn't travel, we had been planning on it and a huge portions of Italians did. But for the teenagers who stayed in town, the school had it's annual "Mac π 100" which is more or less the equivalent of an American high school dance at about the level of Homecoming. The difference is, it STARTS at midnight rather than ending like in America. But I had fun with some of my friends and I always enjoy places with music because there is usually a lot of (if not all of) music in English.

As the days pass, I think more and more about my return and so I've been working gradually harder to learn the Italian language and I've been working on learning verbs. They seem so impossible! They have the present the past, the future and a bazillion other tenses. But then they also have four more tenses just express that that particular verb is a thought or feeling but not a fact. So if you wanted to say, "I think that she works in this store," you would have to conjugate the verb in a special manner to use it. So right now I am working on learning that, but because it doesn't really exist in English, it's not easy. Next is the special conjugation for conditional statements. Wish me luck!

Thats really all for now. I hope everyone had a good Easter and I can't wait to see everyone!

Mid February - Mid March

About once a month, I try and find some time to sit down and reflect on my experiences so far. About the 11th of the month I tell myself I need to sit down soon and usually about the 17th -20th I actually do. And this month is the same. My life has changed so much since the day I left America over six months ago now. I’ve faced challenges I never thought I would be able to face alone, and in a different language and I’ve learned that we are all the same in our differences. After changing families I thought everything would just be instantly better. And it’s not. But it is better. I felt so out of place with my old family that I made my own friends and was getting along really pretty well in Italian when I finally moved and suddenly I was in a totally different family that was so much better. It just seemed to perfect to be true and really it wasn’t because they are so amazing and I love them. But because I feel at home and I can go out with my sister, I‘m slower at making friends this time around. And when I’m not with my host sister I do well at making friends but for some reason it is so much harder to force myself to get out there when she is with me. But I’m working on it, and I WILL get better. But it’s true what they say, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” When I was in my old family I just kept wishing I could have a great family and now that I have one I just keep wishing I could make friends easier. But I have always liked a good challenge and I couldn’t do anything about the family problem. This is in my control. It’s slow, but I plan on getting there.

And the grass is always green on the other side applies in another way too. America vs. Italy. This was an interesting month regarding this because it seems so sudden. I realized just how extreme everything and everyone in my American life has changed and I want to be there with my friends and family as they work through things and honestly, I just miss them a lot. But then my ticket arrived in my email telling me exactly when I will be back in the United States and I was both scared and thrilled. I miss everyone so much and everything and I want to have it all back but on the other hand there is so much more I have to do here and will miss from here. Umm…hello, there is NUTELLA here…. But jokes aside, I don’t feel like I’m ready to be done. My Italian is faltering and I’m falling behind and if I don’t feel fluent, or a good bit more by the time I leave, I would feel like I failed to an extent. I’m doing better in written Italian because I’m doing a good bit more writing as my Italian teacher is pushing me in a better method. In my old school the Italian teacher was my old host mom and she asked me to do the work the others were doing and often I just couldn’t and the one assignment that she returned to me to look at was over a month after I had turned it in. So I never knew my mistakes. But my new teacher gives me simpler work but still stuff that works my brain and serious Italian work, just not directly texts roughly equivalent to Shakespeare’s works that the other students are doing, but more summaries and analyses done by others about the works. And they are checked that day and fixed grammatically and then I rewrite it correctly. So I’m making improvements but I’m still not very good at speaking or writing even though I can read pretty well and understand if I focus. I don’t really get every word and don’t always get every sentence and there are often words I have no clue about but I understand the concept. But besides the language and Nutella, there are so many things about Italians that I will truly miss. Their school is so hard and they are forced to study more to actually pass than Americans but more than that, it’s heavier (I guess…) than American school and yet it’s also crazier. American school is built with a lot a fun in it such as electives but Italian school is built for education and nothing more. And somehow it is wilder and crazier. Just yesterday I was in a different class than I’m normally in for two hours without a teacher because the teacher was out taking care of her dad and in Italian school when there is no teacher class is just canceled. Well it started with the boys stealing a new roll of toilet paper and taping it up and then using it as a soccer ball in the back of the classroom. Then it led to twenty of us in a bathroom stall (mostly girls but a few guys) and having the few remaining members of the class on the balcony outside of the bathroom window taking pics of us. Haha. When all decided to sneak back into our class room, you should have seen the look on the girls face who was waiting to go potty as 20 of us were leaving the small bathroom. Haha. Crazy moments like this would not be ok in American school. We are given more free space and crazy moments but when it’s time to buck down and work or when the teacher is speaking we are usually somewhat quite. I don’t think I have ever known my class to be quite, even during a test, and few even attempt to listen when the teacher speaks. I’m not necessarily a fan of this, but I will miss the freedom allowed. So I’m thrilled that soon I will be back home with my family and friends in my room in my bed but I don’t want to leave. Does that make any sense?

One great thing about Italy is Carneval. Basically the way cool version of a super happy Halloween. The night before there was a small parade that was cute and then the day of Fat Tuesday we all dressed up in various costumes and had a big party that was way fun. I really enjoyed it and spent a lot of time with mew friends just being silly. I dressed up as a “Mexican” as I brought a Mexican dress with me but I didn’t have time to find ribbons for my hair. And then the week after that I got the pleasure of going to ROME! That city is so pretty; I really loved it. But we only stayed for one night and left the next afternoon. But that night was fantastic. We got off the subway and were immediately approached by two ladies trying to find the Trevi Fountain. Well these women were Irish and very lost but lucky for them I speak English and that’s exactly where my family was taking me. So I got to speak so English. And then we went to see the Spanish steps, but more specifically the shopping around them. For those who weren’t aware, in the street directly across from the steps there are many stores such a Gucci. Lets just say the price tag was a little higher than I was willing to pay. My host mother however bought my host sister a $700.00 (or so) bag. *Please note my jaw dropping.* I told my sister afterwards that if spent that much on a bag, when I told my parents it would either be my last words or it would be the last words they would hear because they would die of shock. All the same, I enjoyed Rome and I hope I will get to go back. (This is the part of the blog where someone breaks out into the popular song with the theme “Rome is you want to, Rome around the world.” After the Spanish steps we took a quick peek at the “Piazza di Venezia” before climbing into a cab and going to dinner. And like all good Italians, we had Pizza. That’s another thing about Italy. When you ordered a full sized pizza in America it’s basically a given you are going to share but in Italy it’s a given that that pizza is only for you. I can’t even tell you haw much pizza I have eaten. At least it’s healthier than American Pizza… But I am now actually working on my weight. This is now the third week in a row that I have been dieting and going to the gym at least 3 times a week. I will lose all the weight I gained here for sure! Per forza!!! I hope.

Now that I’m in a bigger town and a bigger area and I have a sister that takes me places, I’m busier a great deal more of the time. And I am studying harder too. But in a different way. The more my old host mom yelled at me to study harder because I was failing the more I hated studying and didn’t study well. But here I’m given more freedom and so I’m focusing on certain materials more and doing much, much better. Just yesterday we took a math test and my math teacher isn’t exactly the best. Usually on her tests half of the questions are wrong and the other half have the wrong answers at the end. So you just have to work through what you can and hope for the best, as Italian grades are subjective. Even if you perfectly answer every question on a test the teacher can still give you a 7 even if you earned a 9. Well on the math test yesterday I managed to solve every single problem correctly on my test and only on one was there any problem, as she forgot the negative sign, but she admitted this when I asked her. And then in my spare time I helped the girl next to me. Now I know every teacher reading this isn’t a fan of this, but it’s just the way Italian schools are that I have been to and from what I understand from other exchange students. It’s just an accepted fact that there will be cheating on every test by everyone. And I do mean everyone. Some teachers are more severe than others but the most that they will do is take away the paper someone is copying off. So I helped the girl next to me and I explained to her and solved about half of her questions before the 2 hours were up. Most people couldn’t even solve half of their own tests. This is a very sharp contrast from my old school when I was considered the worst in the class ad was even assigned a tutor to help me. Thing are turning around everywhere I look and soon it will all be gone when I head back stateside.

I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not I would ever want to do another exchange and I’m still not sure. Ok, let me rephrase that, I would definitely want to do another one, I’m just not sure if I WOULD do another one. I would love to be in a foreign county and learn all the people as more than just a tourist but I just don’t know I can leave everything behind for a year, or maybe longer again. Like I love it and all but I miss everyone. And then I wonder about where I would go and there are so many choices. At times I’m drawn to the rich cultures of South America and at other times to the unique area of Scandinavia, and then at times to out of this world places like Thailand, and lately I’ve been drawn to Ireland (but that might be because of St. Patrick’s Day). I used to think that going abroad to another country that spoke English would be a waste and I still kinda do, but I also would like to really get know them better. I’m not sure right now, but it’s definitely something I’m considering.

Mid January – Mid February

What a difference this month has made on my life. It seems utterly impossible that I have only been with this new family for one month because I feel so much closer and better with them. Morgana has made major efforts to be friends with me and we along beautifully. We joke and tease each other and we talk a lot and we have a lot of interests in common. We always go out on Saturday and Sunday evenings and usually at least once during the week as well.

I still miss my old friends a lot, but I’m slowly making new friends here. And they are wonderful as well. Morgana’s friends have all been very welcoming and kind to me and I really do want to be good friends with them but it’s going slowly for the most ironic or things. Morgana is very good in English. Too good. When I go to other classes I make them speak to me in Italian and they do and so we get along very well. But when I am in my normal class with Morgana or when we go out it’s hard to force myself to speak in Italian. And I’m getting better at forcing myself and so I’m making friends faster now which is good.

I think right now I’m taking three things away from this experience. The first is that is REALLY is the hardest experience of my life and the loneliest a lot. Even though everyone is friendly, they go on with their lives and it’s hard for them to always slow down everything for me. And while they do try a little, always pausing their lives for the exchange student that will leave in a few minutes isn’t realistic so I’m often isolated and usually there are other exchange students near by to spend time with but there simply aren’t in the area. And at times I just feel so alone and like no one understands me. And they don’t, but they do try and this whole experience has made me stronger. The second thing is that we are all people. We all want love and we all have people we are competitive with and people we don’t like and there is still the popular kids and the weird ones and in our free time we use the Internet or watch TV or play cards with friends and it’s just what we do. Italians have so many culture differences sometimes I feel like it’s a different world but I think how it’s really not. The words escape me, but it feels like even though I could tell you major differences in EVERY aspect of life, and the language is different, and all, I still don’t feel like I left the US because when you get rid of the superfluous details of our lives, you find that we are the same. And when you think about it, aren’t there major differences in life just in the areas of the US or even just between you and your next-door neighbor? The third is to smile and appreciate what you have. Smile because if you are not smiling then no one will ever want to really be friends with you and appreciate because you don’t know when you will lose all of it. Growing up, I always made my lack of enthusiasm for ABQ clear. I’d only started to realize the great things we have a little before I left and after arriving here I’m seeing it so much clearer. I went from a city with an area population of 750,000 people to a town with a population of 750. Now my small city is 13,000. It’s still small and there isn’t really very much to do, but we keep busy and have fun. But there are still small things that I grew up with which seems so impossible that even western countries such as Italy don’t have. Things such as a microwave in every house, for example, in America are not common in Italy. There is a quote that says, "One must fully immerse oneself in another environment in order to truly understand its own,” and it is so true.

I have learned a lot about Italian culture as well and over time I noticed several patterns and in this month I put together a major connection. If you asked the Americans in Italy about Italian mothers soon after they arrived they would probably have said that Italian moms are like Super Mom’s. Now don’t get me wrong, American parents do a great deal for their children. But Italian moms do literally everything. My mom does more than most, but even I gawk at Italian moms. They clean the entire house almost completely alone, cook 3 meals a day, do every bit of laundry, raise families, and hold done jobs, ALONE. Italian kids don’t do chores like Americans. My host sister never does laundry nor has EVER cooked in her life for herself or anyone else, and my host mom comes into my room each morning while we are at breakfast and make our beds for us. And most Italian teens don’t work as well. It’s rare to find a teen with a job where as in America it’s common. They tend to rely on parents for money. This has a major effect on the entire Italian life. Previously I commented on how Italian boys seem gay by American standards. I believe this is because of how they grow up so reliant on their mothers. They are therefore more sensitive, and concerned with how they look, and everything else. Whereas with girls we get the constant pattern of girls who often get what they want, they become very stubborn. They are wonderfully nice and I love them, but they are incredibly stubborn. With this, a great deal of the odd things about Italian life both other Americans and I have commented on makes a lot more sense.

This month has made a major difference in my attitude. I was honestly becoming very depressed in my old home and I thought maybe it my fault. But now I realize that it was just a bad situation and it wasn’t healthy. When I asked to be moved AFS asked me what I wanted from my new family and I just said that I wanted a family I could feel comfortable with. I wanted a sister that would laugh and joke with me like other host sister do, or even talk to me everyday. I have that now. And I have a little host brother who likes to joke with me by tossing little soft balls at me until I steal them and either hind them or throw them at him and parents who I am comfortable with. But making friends was very hard. I was still coming out of depression and feeling incredibly isolated. This past week has actually made a world of difference. And it came from the most ironic of situations. In Italy half of the tests are oral and my Italian teacher asked me to do one on the materials I’d been doing and so I prepared a short oral presentation that covered what I’d been doing, memorized it and thought that I would just speak it to her in private as I had always done before. Instead I had to do it with everyone listening silently and the teacher kept asking me questions about what I said making it difficult. But it was good. I’m not saying I did wonderful, I didn’t. But I did do alright with some help from friends. But this showed a great deal of my class that I could basically understand and speak Italian because most had never tried with me before. And it’s made such a difference in terms of making friends. So it’s all coming along.

There is much more that I want to right, but now that I really feel a part of the family and have things to do I just don’t have near as much as time to write a bunch so that will be it for now. Till next month.

Mid December to Mid January

This was a major month of changes for me and my year, but I’ll talk about all that later. I want to first direct my attention to the cultural aspects of this time period (the end of December and early January) in respects to America.

In America school is released at the end of the week before Christmas regardless of what day of the week Christmas is. In Italy, there is school until the 22nd and begins again on the 7th of January because there is another holiday on the 6th.

As I neared the holidays I asked many people to explain Christmas to me and it seemed to me that they were mostly the same between America and Italy. But they really weren’t. On Christmas Eve I went down to my aunt’s house for a big family dinner but started with a prayer on the floor near the fire. Then, after dinner, most go to mass in which they reenact the Nativity Scene. Only my host mother went to that but when she returned at Midnight we started to open presents. From my host mom was a jacket that I actually told her I didn’t want but I think she bought it because it was more water proof than my current one, but less effective. All the same. Then my sisters gave my mother a blanket and that seemed to be it. I went to bed after that because I was missing my family and I just wanted to sleep.

Christmas morning certainly didn’t feel like Christmas morning. Even though they sometimes do Santa Claus, in my family everyone was too old, but even if we had done it, it would have been very different. There aren’t kids waking up just before the crack of dawn and running to see what Santa brought before going to yank their parents out of bed to open presents. In fact, I slept until 11 and the tree was rather lacking in presents compared to a typical American Christmas. From my two sisters I received a bowl for example, like we eat cereal out of, and another American friend of mine received socks. Presents aren’t the important part here and while I do believe Americans are a little obsessed with presents, I found out this Christmas why. I don’t care how much someone spent of a present, yes, it has some effect but the present is more important to me for the why. Why did you buy THIS gift for ME? What about it made you think of me? For example at my Sweet 16 I had a friend who gave me a beaded lion. I’d seen that lion in the store and I know what it’s worth, but I couldn’t care less. It has a spot on my shelves because in her card she said she bought it because she thinks I’m strong and proud like a lion. I realized all this when I received my bowl and I sat there thinking why they bought it for me. And then the rest of Christmas is spent going to various relatives’ houses and eating more than you could believe. And while most people stay with family, it is not considered odd to not spend Christmas with family but to go to visit friends or go on some sort of vacation instead of being home even for high schoolers.

Italians also don’t have quiet the spirit as Americans do regarding Christmas. There was a tree in my house and almost nothing else. No special silverware, or napkins, or little decorations in every part of the house. In fact, there isn’t even much Christmas music, but rather they just listen to American music for Christmas, such as Jingle Bells and whatnot. The only really unique thing is the Panatone. It’s a typical desert that is a very sweet and bread-like. And they eat a lot of it! Every day before and usually for weeks after as if is often given as a Christmas present.

If you will check your calendar, you will know the next holiday was New Years. While Christmas seemed lacking to me, New Years was huge! Everyone asks what you are doing for New Years and what you did after. In America we might go to a party, but not much more and it won’t last much after midnight. In Italy at midnight everyone goes crazy and sets off fireworks and THEN they go and after return very late, like 4 or later. It’s a wild and crazy party that raves all across Italy in the wildest manner possible. The next time I watched the new, they were still cleaning up streets and streets of trash.

The final holiday is that of the Befana. In America we mix Christmas and this holiday into one with Santa Claus. In Italy, Santa only brings presents and the rest of the story is for the Befana. The Befana is an ugly old hag and you hang clean socks over the fireplace and if you are good she brings little presents on her broom but if you are bad you get coal in your sock. Sound familiar? And this holiday is on January 6th.

So those are the three major holidays of the period, and now I will talk more about what happened to me.

Last month I mentioned that I was having frustrations with my host family and those just grew this month. My host mom was always frustrated with me for things that I didn’t understand why, like me sleeping in late during the holidays when weren’t doing anything, or for many other small things. And I just wasn’t happy. It wasn’t just that, but Alessia and me never really got along and I just didn’t feel at home in that house. I could point fingers, but that would be petty because no one person was at fault, and I made some mistakes too. Well Christmas day was really hard for me, as it is for every exchange student that is from a family that celebrates Christmas, and AFS even warned us at the orientation it would be hard. It really was very hard. And it was worse for me than most and when I slipped and fell down in the rain outside on the way to the car, it didn’t hurt, but I just started to cry and couldn’t stop for a long time. In fact, the best way to get through it was to tell myself that this WASN’T Christmas. When I called my family in America, they saw how sad I was and begged me to go home. I wanted horribly to go home for Christmas. But I also wanted to come right back to Italy. Because I wasn’t ready for my year to be over.

Then over New Years, I went to visit an American friend from Boston in the Lecce area this year. And I got along amazing with her family. I was so jealous of her. She often goes out with her sister and sister jokes with her and plays with her and is really friends with her, unlike I’d known. And just everything along those lines. I felt very at home there and after even one day I felt more like a part of the family and didn’t even feel weird being with them when Emily wasn’t with us. And on New Years, I got a nasty case of the stomach flu and they took wonderful care of me. And then when I talked to them about how I felt back at my home, they said that was wrong and honestly encouraged me to change families. And then I got on the train and rode back and was horribly sad to be back, and that just wasn’t right, so I decided to move.

Why I choose to leave the area is a long story but mostly it has to do with the awkwardness of my host mother being my teacher at school still and the area was very small. So I requested to be moved to a new part of Italy that was bigger and had more for me to do. This decision was very hard because my class is honestly incredible and I love them so much that the idea of leaving them was killer to me and I didn’t want to do it, but not seeing them over break made me realize just how unhappy I was and how I had to move rather than pretend to be ok just because I like them so much.

I wasn’t able to move before school started again and I spent two weeks there though I didn’t do a whole lot of studying. The first Saturday I ended up having a math test and I didn’t know about it until the day before and even still I barely studied and I did better than ever before. And then later in the week I had a Chem test that no one told me about until we were moving desks but I actually did good on that one too, I was just lucky it was in Chem.

All the while, my American family and I were fighting hard to get me moved fast because I felt any warmth towards me was close after they found out I was moving. And one night it seemed to me that my host mom kicked me out by what she said, but my AFS assistant was there and they talked a lot and my assistant was said she was just so sad. I don’t know what really happened but it because decided that I would leave on the 17th for a new family about 3 hours away in a small city called Venosa that had requested an American for 6 months before they even knew about me. It was perfect because on the 16th was a huge party for one of my classmates 18th birthday party and so everyone in my class would be there to say goodbye.

My last day there was a truly horrible. Even though I knew saying goodbye would be sad, I wanted it to be a happy day for as long as possible. Well I walked into a math interrogation (or oral math test) that I didn’t expect and did horrible on. But I decided to still make the best of my day and smiled and joked and played. And then as fate would have it, my last class there was Italian with my host mom. And instead of spending the hour teaching, she talked about all the problems she has with me and all the “horrible” things I do to the entire class and all I could do was sit there and listen in horror. I was only ever really happy at school and that would be my last memory. When she was done after a good half hour I was almost in tears when the girl next to me wrote me a note saying that at least now I was leaving and that I would be better. I didn’t really pay much more attention, but I caught at least once more when she brought me up in her “lesson.” As I walked out with friends, when they were out of earshot they all said she was WAY out of line and even though they was sad to see me leave, it was clearly for the better. They were even saying it amongst themselves, so I know that they didn’t believe her, but still it hurt horribly. And when I got on the school bus, I called Emily and said some words I’m not proud of I was so upset.

And then I said goodbye to my friends getting off the bus with the promise to see them later that night before going upstairs and eating lunch with the “family” but I could only stay in there for so ling I was so angry with her. I was in my room on the Internet when I got a call fro AFS that said instead of leaving the next day, I had to leave THAT night BEFORE the party and I couldn’t even say goodbye because I had to pack and most of them didn’t even live in the same town. That meant that their last memory of me would be all the things that my host mother said! I cried for a very long time while I packed.

My new host dad picked up about 6 and we loaded my stuff, I said goodbye, and we drove off. We talked a good but in Italian first and then I used my computer for a while and then I went to sleep because I was feeling motion sick.

But after the painful drive, my day got better. I was still sad, but I could tell right away that this family would be better. It’s just one of those feelings you get. When you are with the right type of people. That night my new sister and I went to a party somewhat like I was supposed to have gone to and I had fun enough, no matter how much I missed my party. Then on Sunday we went to the grandparents for lunch in which my new father having learned, “Good morning” and “Grandparents” in English put his new ability to work and said good morning grandparents to each of them. After lunch, we came back home for a while during which my new studied and then I went out with her for a SECOND time to snacks with a friend and then a movie. Already I have done more with here than with Alessia. And now I have started a new school and I’m making new friends, but I still miss my class.

About my new family: There is a mother, father, my new sister who is my age, and a little brother who is 13. My new father is a man who works with horses and my family has many. My new mother is a magistrate and has somewhat flexible hours but is very devoted to her work. She is so warm and wonderful and likes to try her knowledge of English with me in small phrases. And she has an obsession with cleanliness. If there are shoes on in the house, we have to walk about with little pads under our shoes and if not we must have either socks or slippers on for an example. It’s going to take effort on my part, but I will do it because I really like this family. My new sister is named Morgana and she is very pretty and smart, and loved horses and we get along really well. I really feel like she wants me in the house and family and she makes every attempt to make me happy. While I travel classes a little, I’m usually in her class and with her friends and I’m very happy with her. And then my little brother is cute and funny, but we haven’t talked much because his family wants him to try in English and he is afraid. But we'll fix that soon and besides, it's more important that i speak in Italian anyways. =)

(Once again this is unedited)